17 posts tagged “funny haha”
In honor of the upcoming Olympics, what could you win a gold medal in?
Submitted by TheFiercestCalm.
We drank a lot. Not as much as we had planned....well, maybe Leslie did:) That's really all I can say about this portion of our adventures, so enjoy the pictures.
Found this through Smart Bitches a moment ago.
Poll: Who's the Hottest Guy in Book Publishing?
Totally pointless, but fun.
Too funny.
So here are some funny pictures from tonight. More later. Must get to bed.
Literally twenty seconds after we sit down at a table tucked away in the corner (hellOOO-oooo, we're tucked away so we don't have to deal with stupid people!!), these two complete ignorant rednecks start with the inappropriate comments and such. One tried to grope Jessica, and tried to give me pointers on proper use of a pool cue. Ass. Oh, and the stupid fuck was there with his girlfriend, who got pissed (rightfully so) and went to the bathroom. Then he asked Lindsay to go in and get her. Like I said, stupid fuck. So Lindsay goes in and says something to the effect of, "Hey, I'm looking for the girlfriend who's pissed at the boyfriend." Anyway. After this mess, Jessica had to go up to Stupid Fuck's friend, who was staring at us while we played pool, and say "Uh, hey, are you waiting on this table?" When he replied that he was just watching, I believe she said, "Okay, well you need to cut this shit out." Correct me if I'm wrong, Jess.
Long story short, we got trashed and sobered up by busting our signature moves on the dance floor, where I believe we made quite a spectacle of ourselves. See pictures above...
Oh, but the best part was after we left at closing. I gave Jess a ride home, and while heading down Troup Highway, she had me pull alongside Kristi's car (who was actually two lanes over) so she could moon them. Okay, I'm going 45mph and she climbs into my backseat, pulls down her pants, and literally sticks her ass out the window. Way out. From what I can remember, the conversation went a bit like this:
Jess: "Go! Go!"
Me: "I'm trying, there are cars in front of me!"
Jess: "Go! Go!"
Me: "Shit!"
Jess: "A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...WHOOOOOOOOOO!"
Me: "Oh, my God!"
Jess: "A-ha-ha-ha-ha! Speed up!"
Me: "Oh, my God!"
Jess: "They'd better fucking see this!"
Me: "Oh, my God! We're about to turn. Hold on!"
Jess: "Honk at them! Honk! HONK!"
Me: (turns, honking, while a little red car zips in between my car and Kristi's) "That's the funniest shit ever! Oh, my God!"
Jess: (tries to climb back into front seat, gets stuck with her nose pressed against the dashboard)
Me: "Should I stop?"
Jess: "No, dude, just go, go, go!"
Me: "Oh, my God. Dude. Kristi'd better have fucking seen that."
Jess: "I'm going to call her when we get to my house."
Me: "I just witnessed the most badass mooning ever! I have to pee."
Jess: "A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, shit, I forgot to pull my panties down! Noooo! Oh, wait, it's a thong...it still counts."
So. We get to her house, where the guys are drunk and playing Rock Band, and call Kristi. And guess what?
They didn't see it. Any of it.
All that effort. Pointless. Except for the little red car. I bet it was a night they'll never forget.
As I sit here, eating my cheesecake chimichangas from Taco Bueno (oh, they're like an orgasm wrapped in a warm, deep-fried pastry), I realize how incredibly awesome it is that Jess figured out over beers and cigarettes tonight, "Hey, we're like a low-budget version of Sex and the City!" And since we're all fans, we figure this is, as Martha Stewart would say, A VERY GOOD THING.
I also realize that I have completely canceled out the past two days of strenuous walking with the girls over at UT by eating the above-mentioned better-than-hot-sex-with-a-stranger (giggity-giggity) goodies. Shit hell.
How cool is it that Ugly Betty sampled a crapload of new Madonna tracks in last night's finale? I have a theory, and most people seem to agree: Betty picked neither Henry (boo) or Gio (BIG YAY! I LOVE GIO!), but instead decided to strike out on her own and discover herself. Well, I would have been all for Rome, but I would rather her ditch both of them than go to Tuscon with Henry...boooo-ring! *checks watch* Is it time for the season premiere yet? There was one track at the very end, by Madonna, that was actually on her last album, not the latest one, and it was so awesome that I might have to buy it online or something...badass.
From "Jump":
There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste
I haven’t got much time to waste, it’s time to make my way
I’m not afraid of what I’ll face, but I’m afraid to stay
I’m going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight, Till I find a place of my own
Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to jump!
We learned our lesson from the start, my sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on is your family
And life’s gonna drop you down like the limbs of a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see
Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to, are you ready?
There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait, the more time that you waste
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own
I can make it alone(my sisters and me)
Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to, are you ready?
Fairytale
Sara Bareilles
Cinderella’s on her bedroom floor, she’s got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don’t come home anymore, and she forgets why she came here.
Sleeping Beauty’s in a foul mood for shame she says
None for you dear prince, I’m tired today.
I’d rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming.
I don’t care for your fairytale
You’re so worried 'bout the maiden,
though you know she’s only waiting on the next best thing.
Snow White is doing dishes again cause what else can you do
With seven itty bitty men?
Sends them to bed and she calls up a friend, says will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says
Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I’ll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows.
I don’t care for your fairytale
You’re so worried 'bout the maiden,
though you know she’s only waiting on the next best thing
Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom, man made up a story
Said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he’s handsome in hindsight
but I don’t want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls 'round me
Can’t take no more of your fairytale love
I don’t care for your fairytale
You’re so worried 'bout the maiden,
though you know she’s used to waiting spent her whole life being graded on the
sanctity of patience and a dumb appreciation
The story needs some mending and a better happy ending ‘cause I don’t
want the next best thing
No no I don’t want the next best thing.
After work tonight, Yesi and Julie and Jess and another guy from work and I went over to Yesi's house for Taco Bell and a movie rental. Jess and I stood outside and smoked while everyone else went in to Blockbuster to pick something out. They came out with Atonement and Teeth. We ended up watching Teeth.
Oh.
Oh...so screwed up. And so good.
But so screwed up.
Seriously. I'm not a guy, and I was squealing in agony. Talk about some nasty, nasty carnage. The script was good, the characters were good, and it was actually something I'd watch again, especially since I know now when to look away. I think Yesi said she threw up a little in her mouth at one point.
We all agreed that it's the perfect movie to rent after a particularly bad date/relationship. I wonder if the main character could qualify as a superhero?
Oh, my god.
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